quarter life crisis

Somebody needs to shake me hard and tell me to get out of my self-pities. Seriously! I should be happy with my life, I have a good, stable career, have numerous job offers, which for some strange reason I turned ALL of them down (and they pay me well.. 45$+ an hour FULLTIME and I just got registered!).

What the hell is wrong with me? I swear it's the quarter life crisis. I want adventure. I want a holiday. I want to see and explore the world, more than just what Perth has to offer. I want to find my way out of this wilderness that I've stumbled upon and find my oasis. But I just can't seem to choose which path to take, because I'm not sure which one would lead me to where I want to be. In fact, I'm not even sure where I want to be.

That was why I wanted to go to Burma and volunteer at my uncle's missionary (he's a priest), but no, dad refused because he doesn't want to be responsible for what happens. Bloody hell, I can stay at their Hotel. It was rather nice last time I went there (which was about 5 years ago..) I was hoping if I did that I would at least know which direction I want to head towards, and if not that, at least know what I'm capable of, and will definately open up a whole new chapter in my life.

Alas, I'm stuck in this runt. Going nowhere, because I'm scared that if I took on any of the job offers I have, I be stuck and I end up in a career, which is stable, but something I'm NOT 100%, COMPLETELY satisfied with. To top it all off, 2009, really tested what I wanted, and I started questioning the direction I'm heading towards, which is go to school, get a degree, work in that field, find someone, settle down, work in that career for the next 40 years then what? What did I do with my life? What was significant? Did I really improve anyone else's life like I wanted to? because hey that's the only reason I got into the health field!

I asked those questions in 2009 and I knew the answer, I wasn't happy to settle with what I have, because I know I have so much more to offer to this world, and I am not one to settle because it's convinenent, I don't like to become complacent and not care like so many pharmacists are. I am not going to be one of those.

So I really need 2010 off to discover what I want. BUT I'm shit scared. I'm scared that when I do come back I won't have a job. I'm scared, because what happens if I really don't want to come back at all, then what would I do? I'm scared to leave the comfortable lifestyle that I have, where I get to fine-dine, wear Tiffany, pay with the cc, and travel anywhere I like because my bank account allows me to.

And yet, I want to explore, I want to see and help the people that are going through hardship, I want to get out of the routine and discover what my worth and my capabilities and my reignite my passion for everything, including my career and make a change in the way from having to sell detergents to actually giving out health advice and consultation, like England does. After all I didn't spend 5 years of hard work, sacrifice and study to sell detergents!!

Because quiet frankly, I'm going through a quarter life crisis and have completely lost my passion for all the things I do, including shopping. And you know when that happens that I'm in trouble.