time slips by us..

"Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?

Can we survive it out there?

Can we make it somehow?

I guess I thought that this would never end

And suddenly it's like we're women and men

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?

Will these memories fade when I leave this town

I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly"

- Vitamin C (Graduation)

A friend of mine told me that "there a few BIG moments in life than the little moments in life - so we have to find amusements in our little moments and thrive in our BIG moments.." or something along those lines. The point being that our whole lives are planned out for us (no not the whole fate thing), but here's what I mean. Firstly you were born (DUH!), so you spend the first what 3-4 years of your life going to day-care or being looked after at home, then you make the big transition of going to school ( I still remember my first day at school - it wasn't in Australia), then from then on you go through each years of schooling, before being the seniors in year 7 before making the leap from primary to high school - remember the hype, the excitement, the fear, the thoughts of making new friends, thoughts of not being able to keep in touch with the old ones, thoughts of finally I'm grown up - feeling all grown up. You go through the teenage years being self-absorbed, the feelings of being indestrucable, living in your own bubble - outside would seems so irrelevant, except when you make it become relevant. The rebellion, the studies, the realisation by year 12 that you have to roughly know what you want, or at least where you want your life to head. Some of us aim for that, others just float through it, falling like leaves in the breeze, completely at ease with everything thrown at them. So you reach university - the BIG world (or so you thought) - little do you realise that this is nothing - you more independent yes - you drive a car - go to parties - can drink - expand your contacts - besides all these you still sheltered (at least for the most of us.. others may move out of home and realise it's not as easy as the movies make it out - not as fun - damn those bills!). So you finish your degree. That's when life begins.

Do you remember what you learnt at school? All those years. Was it useful? Were you living? How much of those books, you've spent hours reading, handy? Now that I am in the real BIG world - the whole of 2009 I was still a baby - although I've managed a lot of things on my own - it also made me open my eyes - PEOPLE ARE NOT AS NICE AS YOU THINK THEY ARE and then at the end of the day everything is about self-preservation and there be always be that one person that kisses the asses of big bosses to get somewhere and there will be someone that will bitch and back-stab you. In other words I was losing parts of my soul. And now, 2010, I will be completely in the world of adults, by myself, armed with years of studies and social experiences, all of which, hopefully will help me handle everything life throws at me, but of course, forever learning - about people, about myself, about where I want to be in life.

But I don't want to be there; exploring, without claming back some of my youth and my innocence and seeing the nicer things in life. After all, how boring life would be if I were to just jump in, work 40 hours or more a week, save money, then what? buy a house? meet someone? then what? marry? OH GOD. HELP ME. LET ME NOT BE ONE OF THOSE without any real idea of what living is, without any idea of there being more to life than walking on a footpath of what society expects.

Yes, I have too many things I want to squeeze into this year and forever more, but that's what I want. I'm sick of being amibitious, without living life. Who cares? After all, you never know when your time would end. Then what? All you have are regrets and what ifs. So I'm going to turn my what ifs to action and to I've done it and damn proud of it.