Dessert Celebrations

Finally the time has come after slightly over a year of hard work.. The hard earned annual leave.

Seeing as you suppose to bring cake for your birthday to share at work I bought mine early as I won't be there on my day.

So I got a raspberry cheesecake from Chez Jean Claude in Subiaco - the consistency was more of a mousse. Rather light not too rich, but the berry flavours and pieces of beries was throughout the cake. The cake was enclosed in marble dark chocolate slates. Yummy light cheesecake.

 

I also got a lemon & lime brûlée tart from Lawleys bakery in Shenton Park. The pastry was a little undercooked but the lime and lemon flavour is perfectly balanced with sweetness. I'm always such a fan of good slightly tangy desserts.

Unfortunately I only got the chance to take a photo of the two after it was cut and eaten into.

Then for the family I got a bunch of the famous Chez Jean Claude in Subiaco almond croissant - beautiful, soft, flaky, almonds cream goodness.

Now I'm feeling guilty and fat and will be hitting the gym before massive feasts that is to occur over the weekend.

I.MUST.NOT.GET.FAT.BEFORE.TRAVELS

breathe

These shadows wont budge.

Doubts enter my mind.

Eyes adjust to the darkness.

Heart holds onto faith.

 keep calm and carry on.

explore

If only I had the guts to just give up everything and take the plunge.

Blissful RDO (Rostered Day Off)

Nothing beats a random weekday off from work for my RDO!

So what's better than spending it at a spa!

I went to the relatively new Endota spa opposite His Majesty's Theatre near Empire Games on Hay street in The city.

Climb the stairs and you are already starting to relax as soothing music fills the air and the rush of the city is left behind.

I had a lovely lady Laura look after mre. Shr firstly waxed my legs and shaped my eyebrows before leading me into dimmed room with soothing music. I had a foot massage and scrub before a beautiful one hour full body massage. Followed by a 30 minute calming facial. I swear I fell asleep at some point.

It was just blissful and I didn't want to go back to reality.

If only I was a lady of leisure wouldn't mind getting it done more often.

Herding Thoughts....

1. My thoughts are currently like a bundle of helium balloons let loose into the sky. Like atoms straying in random directions. All away from my head, away from the intention. Does anyone really know what happens to them balloons anyway? My imagination thinks that it keeps travelling up and in space there are all these multi-coloured balloons drifting aimlessly and astronaunts play with them, that's why they have so much fun up in space. My logical (and one that knows a little too much) tells me that the gases disperse out or expand due to heat/lack of gases in the atmosphere resulting in having to balance the partial pressure of the gases inside the balloon vs. the surrounding resulting in a POP.

2. Focus, dammit. What's wrong with the optics in my brain.

3. Always hoping for the best, always expecting the worst. Am I a fool for always assuming disappointment? But if I did does it not mean that when good things happen it's a nice pleasant surprise?

4. I slipped into another sink hole. Thankfully, not a deep one that I can't crawl out of.

5. I really should be reading my clinical work. Otherwise at least revising Chemistry and Physics. WHY IS IT SO HARD to study?? When did LIFE start to take over? (this is an unusual form of complaining, I've discovered a new LOW!!)

6. Very bad week for losing weight, I've snacked on two packet of Chips over the week, digged into Conniessuer Ice Cream (sometimes drazzled with Margaret River Chocolate factory chocolate sauce), ate buffet at Atrium, a Chinese Banquet and all I done in terms of exercise is 20 minute interval running and yoga.  I still have to attend a dinner with bf's family, another Chinese Banquet. ARGH!!... SOOOOOOOOOO naughty. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO LOSE WEIGHT IN THESE CONDITIONS?? At least I have two fruits a day. T_T

7. I feel like I am tied to a string. Like a pendulum. Swaying forth and back, back and forth. What is all this? I want to give MD a try and yet I'm so reluctant to study to get into it (and I guess at the back of my head I know the career I'm in, I can try to succeed). The back swing is, I already have this fabulous career I can expand and be awesome at, all it needs is a little bit of committment and passion (which I'm lacking because I'm swinging forth and wanting MD). FML. I need to decide and I really need to stick to wanting one or the other. There is no both. But WHY AM I BEING SUCH A PENDULUM. GOD POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

words to live by..

Take time to think, it is the source of power.

Take time to work, it is the price of success.

Take time to play, it is the secret of being ever young.

Take time to read, it is the foundation of knowledge.

Take time to be friendly, it is the road to happiness.

Take time to love and be loved, it is the privilege of God.

Take time to laugh, it is the music of the soul.

Take time to pray, it helps to live in Christ and be led by His spirit.

1 bride, 22 dresses and no groom, just wine!

Day 2 of MMXI and I am already loving it. Went all classy today at a hen's day (for the lovely, sweet and beautiful Lulu), wine tasting in the mini-margaret river, that is of course, the Swan Valley. Everyone that was important were there and all the ladies looked oh-so-lovely in their summery dresses.

The girls at Lancaster Winery

 

 

Almost all of us at Edgecombe Winery for lunch

 

Unfortunately these were the only photos I took. Too busy wine tasting and enjoying the moment (the way it should be I believe!).

Congratulations to Lulu for her BIG day on Friday. Although it was a HOT 39 DEGREES CELCIUS it was still a lovely day with some great wines, light lunch and of course a trip to the Swan Valley is NOT complete without heading to the chocolate factory.

So once again...

CONGRATULATIONS 

LULU!! 

The Year that was MMX

I have always found new year's unbelievable. After 23 years of breathing, it amazes me how fast time can fly and it seems to be flying by faster year by year. The year that was MMX (aka 2-0-1-0)..

Achievements:
1. I started my career, the great love/hate affair that it is.
2. Bought an apartment.
3. Have a job I'm currently enjoying.
4. Social life, Love life, Life, all in all ticked.
5. Family - despite the ups and downs I love them.
6. Did a Barista course, am now officially qualified to make coffee (not necessary epic ones but is willing to practise to become epic - must buy an espresso machine).
7. Learnt/still learning to sail.
8. Started going to the gym/exercising
9. Appreciating wines
10. Learning to appreciate my family for everything they do for me.

Down falls:
1. Being a brat to my parents at times
2. Failing to cook or bake more
3. Unable to cut down on food
4. Reducing the number of outings I make to restaurants (epically failed to decrease restaurant eating)
5. Unmotivated to study
6. Not being able to travel overseas
7. Not being able to shop less (although compared to last year I did rather well I thought)
8. Not losing weight

The year of movies: (movies I've seen.. it's keeping the cinemas alive ok!)
1.  Valentine's Day
2. Alice in Wonderland
3. Green Zone
4. How to Train Your Dragon
5. Date Night
6. Kick Ass the movie
7. Iron Man II
8. Robin Hood
9. Inception
10. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
11. Avatar
12. Avatar: THE LAST AIRBENDER
13. Prince of Persia - The Sands of Time
14. Sex and the City II
15. Get Him to the Greek
16. Toy Story 3
17. Despicable Me
18. Salt
19. Percy Jackson and the Lighting Thief
20. The Expendables
21. Wall Street II - Money Never Sleeps
22. Red
23. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1
24. The King's Speech
25. Summer Wars

I think there may have been more. I'm pretty sure I spent most of this year going to the cinemas and watching movies.

Concerts:
1. Big Day Out
2. Lost Prophets
3. On the Bright Side
4. Birds of Tokyo
5. Bon Jovi
6. U2

Theatre:
1. Chicago
2. Mamma Mia
3. West Side Story

Comedians:
1. Will Anderson
2. Frank Woodley
3. Russell Peters
4. A mixture of comedians at Melbourne Comedy Festival

Holidays: 
1. Melbourne trip (10 days)
2. Sydney (4 days)
3. Rottnest (3 days)

Attended weddings, hen's party, housewarming, birthdays, high teas, girls nights, home dinner parties, homemade pizza making, cranium competition, laughed, cried too much, and is still learning to survive and kick my demons.

reaching quarter life crisis... (well close enough to quarter life...)

So my birthday was last Saturday, just turned 23, feeling like I've ticked off so many of life's milestones I feel rather old. I had an epic weekend of celebrations, starting on Friday, with dinner at C restaurant which offered great views of the city. Then a picnic at Floreat Beach with friends and my cousins on Saturday, a family dinner that night at Hyatt Hotel, before heading for High Tea at the George with the girls and a few guys on Sunday.

 Although on the day of the picnic, it was cloudy. Thank GOD that it wasn't too hot (like the days before werea) or cold, the water was beautiful and as usual I think I bought too much food, but I guess at least no one went hungry. And hey, I had the opportunity to wear my new swimsuit. I love it, so comfortable and ultra cute. Now to just keep committed with my workout lose those love handles. T_T

Me and my beautiful cousins with Floreat Beach and the skyline at the back

 

Chilling and eating at the park.

 

Hiding behind A to try be half the size I am.. T_T

 

T&J and Me with my boy..

I must say, thank you so much for celebrating my 23rd brithday, and for all the lovely presents, messages and wishes. I feel so privileged to have all of you in my life. In fact, without you I wouldn't have had such an awesome weekend, so thank you!

Lots and lots of love. xoxo

"Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn"

Risk

So what if I dive off the edge of my life

And theres nothing beneath?

What if i live like theres nothing to lose

Just to die on my knees?

At least I'll know

I walked the dark

I took the scars

I risked it all

And learned to love the fall

- Love the Fall (Michael Paynter)

leap of faith

Sometimes we have to stop and realise that what we do want isn't ever going to just fall onto our laps, it rarely does, nor is anyone else going to make it happen or just give it to you, sometimes you have stray away from your comfort zone, take a little risk, a giant leap, jump into the unknown to find that thing you are waiting for, hoping, wishing, wanting. And the hardest part is leaving that comfort and leaping into the unknown. But after you've done it, it always feels so good and you wished you've done it sooner.

For me, I'm still struggling to get away from that comfort spot. But I'm slowly learning to have confidence in myself, have faith that it will work out, after all I have wonderful support and so many people that believe I can.

Newsflash!

So I got the job - a job with a bit of difference to all the other places I've worked at. A little excited, because it may be interesting. A little scared, because I've never worked in a place like that before. Have to get my organisation, concentration and time manager hats back on.

Secondly, because of that this coming week is my last week of holidays/freedom. As a result I'm having mixed feelings because I was really starting to enjoy learning to cook, going to the gym, occasionally cleaning and shopping. Basically being all domesticated. I don't know how I feel about having to venture into work, after all I will be working for the next 40 years of my life and I will never have this freedom back. ARGH, thinking like that is so damn despressing.

At least I get money, but I probably wouldn't have the time or energy to spend it.

GOD DAMMIT, is there no balance in this life??

i have so much to say but so few words to say it in..

Swirls of ideas, desires, responsibilities, "being an adult", adolescence ideologies, mirages, images, photographic-should-be-moments, float around in my head, it's hard to understand and distinguish between what I want, desire and am passionate for, versus, what I know I should do, which is get on working, making money, being responsible.

If only there was a tap somewhere, or a sieve, where I can just sieve through everything and put them back into their little boxes and let the "non-adult" things, the dreams gather dust and be forgotten again. But I know, if I did that, sooner or later, they'll be found again.

I've suppressed them for so long that I've forgotten how happy I've been to finally let it all out. Yes, I have these mixed emotions.Popping some little white pill, have crossed my mind so that I'll forget about these dreams and just become an adult, like everyone around me is.

But I have yet to live, yet to experience, to see, to smell, to taste, to touch. I have so much more of the world to explore and I don't want to tie myself down to one job, day in day out. God it scares me so much. And yet I know, I know my responsibilities, I know what i have to do and 6 months have passed where I have worked, even if at times it's sparodically and during that period, some of the time I have felt happy, passionate with what I am doing. I know parts of wanting to get away stems from feeling so hopeless, defeated, depressed, almost bitter. These are emotions and feelings I don't want to feel, I don't like, I know I'm so much more than  that and I having these feelings is not who I am. I just need to get away from everything, I know some of you are thinking, aren't you already recharging? No. I struggle to get up in the morning, because I'm tried, I'm tired because I can't sleep, and if I do sleep, I have horrible dreams, where I wake up anyway. I'm unable to truly be happy. I need to find out what I want, what direction I want to take and I think getting out of Perth is the only way I can do it. I need to get away from everyone and everything.

I hate this rut I'm in. I feel as though I'm hiding from my problems instead of facing it. I feel as though I'm not being pro-active with anything and I really need to start. Either get away and do something I truly love for a while or just ignore that and get on with it and be forever complacent.

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment... I'm so scared but I don't show it...

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go 

I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

- Lenka "The Show"

everything is coming up roses... finally

Finally there is some luck.

There is someone who gives me great hugs, keeps me warm and makes me smile.

I'm also going to Sydney with my best girlfriend.

My friends are absolute gems and I love them to bits.

and finally...


I've yet to find a stable job, but I'm applying again to medical schools. I'm not too fussed if I don't get in this year, but I think I'm finally figuring out what I want.

I could always work on being the best I can be in my current field. I've learnt to accept and be appreciative with where I am and that I want to be the best, because I've always strived for my best and I don't see why I should all of the sudden stop that. After all I figure out why I haven't been happy with my job because I'm not at my best, I'm going about it half-heartedly, and I decided, it's not so bad, and I am good at it, I'm going to work at being my best like I was before, that way, maybe I'll have the confidence to find that stable job.

excitements

I'm so excited about my trip to Melbourne it's not funny. I've been there a few years ago to go shopping, but this trip, this time, it's different. I feel as though I deserve this. I need this. I haven't felt this excited or this happy and ecstatic in ages. It's undescribable. I realised that I must have been so complacent and so blahsay about my life, hence all those quarter life crisis moments.

I now have something to look forward to. This Melbourne trip is more than just a shopping trip. I'm going with one of my best girlfriends and as soon as we arrive we have a concert booked in, we seeing The Lost Prophet.

We've also booked a date with Frank Woodley and Will Anderson (whom, for some strange reason I always think is Lano - I don't know why, I mean they look NOTHING alike and Will Anderson is 100x cuter!!! and I've seen both of these guys live and I still get confused!!).

We've also decided that we should go to Victoria's countryside as well, as to the specific location - no idea - but this is all depending on the weather, which, unlike Perth, is not guaranteed to be sunny (it'd be the opposite).

I'm also excited about the food aspects of Melbourne too! I didn't get to do a lot of culinary exploring last time I was in Melbourne so this time my aim is to try as many places as possible without blowing my whole budget! Having said that though, S, V and I are apprently having degustation at Vue De Monde - it's French - so should be fabulous - which also means that I have to find a nice dress/outfit in Melbourne somewhere.

So yes, I'm very excited and can't wait until my break!

"we are engaged!"

I feel so old. I complain about this all the time, but I really am getting old. You know this when you look at your teenage cousins and wish that you can dress up or fancy dress up and know that what you be doing is dancing around to music at one of your friend's backyards, instead of sitting around eating, drinking and talking with music in the background. What happened to all that craziness? all that fun? all that laughter? When did we become so self-conscious so boring that we forget to let our hair down and do a crazy dance?

To top it all of, you know you getting old when almost everyone - well all the couples in the long-term relationships - around you start to get engaged and you hear all the sweet and creative proposals. Either that or included with that is the whole buying a house thing.

The problem with this whole growing up thing is that I don't feel grown up. It's not that I don't want to grow up. I mean when I was about 10 all I wanted to do was grow up - have my freedom, independence and do what I wish (within reason of course), but now that I'm independent, with a career, with freedom to do whatever I wish, I don't want that other stuff. The whole buy a house (even if it is for investment), find someone to settle down with, act more mature, stop giggling so much and finding amusement in little things, be a boring fart. I don't want that.

I am older, I am not that teenager, but I still want to giggle and laugh at stupid things, I don't want an investment home or a house for me yet, because I don't want that mortgage, I want to travel. I want to walk throught the streets of New York, drink coffee at a cafe in Paris, see Rome at its best, lose money in Vegas, laugh and cry at the same time. As for settling down? It'd be nice if I can find a person to share my adventures with, but I'm not fussed, I'm happy just meeting people for now, it's rather enriching, but I wouldn't want to get married young. I have too many other things I want to do, to see, to explore.

GOD, I hate growing up. Time just seems to fly by so much faster.

berets, pastries, cheese, red wines and the Eiffel Tower

I dreamt of Paris, France, in all it's romantic, glamourous glory.

 

 

 

I think it's a hint from my deeper cortex of my brain that I am due for a holiday. It is also playing out my underlying anxiety that I won't get a long glorious holiday.

Perhaps it's a sign that I shouldn't ask for that job.

or

It could just be because I read, A Town Like Paris  by Bryce Corbett before I fell asleep.

Regardless, I am due for a travelling holiday, away from Perth and all it's small city charm with wonderful clean refreshing air and sunshine.

I guess, I'm just hating how everything is sure and yet so unsure - as in - I don't know where I'm heading, there are too many paths too choose from and I'm all confused and totally indecisive.

quarter life crisis

Somebody needs to shake me hard and tell me to get out of my self-pities. Seriously! I should be happy with my life, I have a good, stable career, have numerous job offers, which for some strange reason I turned ALL of them down (and they pay me well.. 45$+ an hour FULLTIME and I just got registered!).

What the hell is wrong with me? I swear it's the quarter life crisis. I want adventure. I want a holiday. I want to see and explore the world, more than just what Perth has to offer. I want to find my way out of this wilderness that I've stumbled upon and find my oasis. But I just can't seem to choose which path to take, because I'm not sure which one would lead me to where I want to be. In fact, I'm not even sure where I want to be.

That was why I wanted to go to Burma and volunteer at my uncle's missionary (he's a priest), but no, dad refused because he doesn't want to be responsible for what happens. Bloody hell, I can stay at their Hotel. It was rather nice last time I went there (which was about 5 years ago..) I was hoping if I did that I would at least know which direction I want to head towards, and if not that, at least know what I'm capable of, and will definately open up a whole new chapter in my life.

Alas, I'm stuck in this runt. Going nowhere, because I'm scared that if I took on any of the job offers I have, I be stuck and I end up in a career, which is stable, but something I'm NOT 100%, COMPLETELY satisfied with. To top it all off, 2009, really tested what I wanted, and I started questioning the direction I'm heading towards, which is go to school, get a degree, work in that field, find someone, settle down, work in that career for the next 40 years then what? What did I do with my life? What was significant? Did I really improve anyone else's life like I wanted to? because hey that's the only reason I got into the health field!

I asked those questions in 2009 and I knew the answer, I wasn't happy to settle with what I have, because I know I have so much more to offer to this world, and I am not one to settle because it's convinenent, I don't like to become complacent and not care like so many pharmacists are. I am not going to be one of those.

So I really need 2010 off to discover what I want. BUT I'm shit scared. I'm scared that when I do come back I won't have a job. I'm scared, because what happens if I really don't want to come back at all, then what would I do? I'm scared to leave the comfortable lifestyle that I have, where I get to fine-dine, wear Tiffany, pay with the cc, and travel anywhere I like because my bank account allows me to.

And yet, I want to explore, I want to see and help the people that are going through hardship, I want to get out of the routine and discover what my worth and my capabilities and my reignite my passion for everything, including my career and make a change in the way from having to sell detergents to actually giving out health advice and consultation, like England does. After all I didn't spend 5 years of hard work, sacrifice and study to sell detergents!!

Because quiet frankly, I'm going through a quarter life crisis and have completely lost my passion for all the things I do, including shopping. And you know when that happens that I'm in trouble.